So it might be quite surprising to find that psychology research shows that people who communicate via a computer (such as email, Internet chat room or a social networking site) are more friendly, disclose more information about themselves and thus can develop a close relationship more quickly than if they meet face-to-face. This is one reason why organisations should consider using technologies such as social networking to create communities and boost engagement in the workplace.

There are a number of theories which contribute to this phenomenon:

Anonymity:

It has been suggested that the reason people tend to be more open if they communicate through a computer is due to anonymity[1], the use of pseudonyms which are common in newsgroups and chat rooms [2] and ‘the strangers on a train’ phenomenon, whereby people tend to disclose a lot more information about themselves to others they think they’re unlikely to meet again[3]. Additionally research has also shown that people are more honest when asked questions by a computer than in a face-to-face meeting. What we don’t know, however, is whether the choice of the Internet in the first place is motivated by a predisposition to self-disclose.

Visibility:

People also disclose more when they are visually anonymous, which is typical in many forms of computer-mediated communication.  But when a web-cam is introduced into the equation, the amount of self-disclosure as well as the amount of talking is reduced[4]. Visual anonymity means that people are unencumbered by prejudice or stigma based on their physical appearance, gender or age, so interaction with others over the Internet/via a computer may be liberating and empowering, resulting in changes in how they see themselves e.g. developing their confidence and assertiveness.

Absence of non-verbal cues:

Visual anonymity also means an absence of the normal non-verbal cues, which in turn enables people to choose how they present themselves, for example, as more friendly, knowledgeable or empathic [5]. The computer thus acts as a medium for re-inventing oneself, consciously or unconsciously. This doesn’t mean that people are necessarily pretending to be someone they’re not; some researchers have suggested that communication via a computer is a medium to present the true and authentic self3.

Text-based rather than verbal:

There are a number of reason why communicating in writing differs to face-to-face interaction. Firstly, text-based interaction means that you have time to reflect on your message before sending it. The fact that you can choose how and when (or if) to respond means that you have the opportunity to present yourself in particular way. You are more in control of what you communicate (or not) and when.

Secondly, writing down feelings or experiences can be therapeutic and cause cognitive changes[6], which might encourage further self-disclosure.

De-individuation

De-individuation[7] is a process whereby certain social conditions (in particular anonymity) lead to changes in the way you perceive yourself and others, and result in less-restrained behaviour[8]. It has been suggested that this less-restrained behaviour is a reflection of the true self: ‘under the protective cloak of anonymity users can express the way they truly feel and think’.

Detached Attachment

Detached attachment, or ‘dettachment’, refers to the unique opposing features of an online relationship, in that it is distant and immediate at the same time. Online friends might be geographically separate, but they are actually in the same (cyber)space[9]. And whilst they are geographically separate, they are temporally and emotionally immediate.

Online relationships are thus a complex phenomenon, showing many paradoxical features. Although it’s often said that people are less friendly with their neighbours nowadays, electronic communication like social networking is enabling us to easily create and maintain social ties with people on the other side of the world, which was impossible 10 or 20 years ago. Research into social networking is still relatively new, and whilst the form of human relationships seems to be changing, the need to make close connections with our fellow beings is as important, if not more important, than ever. Technology can enable the creation and maintenance of friendships, you just need to be aware that they can develop more quickly than you think.

[2] Finn (1999)

[3] Bargh et al (2002)

[4] Joinson (2001).

[5] Tanis (2007)

[6] Pennebacker (1997)

[7] Zimbardo (1969)

[8] McKenna & Bargh (2000, p62)

[9] Cairncross (1997); Kellerman (2002)

Image: Looking Glass

In this New York Times article last week, journalist Henry Fountain considers Thanksgiving 21st Century style – via the practice of keeping a Gratitude Diary. We’ve talked about gratitude several times before; there’s increasing empirical evidence to show that being grateful in a mindful way, for example through a diary or a letter, increases your well-being.

What I like about Fountain’s article is the acknowledgement that giving thanks is simple but not easy, it requires some effort and self-discipline.

I think this is a very important message to get across to the Victor Meldrew’s of this world*; happiness isn’t something that just happens, despite what you often see in films and magazines, you actively need to do something. That something varies from person to person, although Positive Psychology is giving us a lot to go on.
So if you haven’t tried it, I challenge you to keep a gratitude diary for three weeks, and see what a difference it makes.

PS You might like to know that there is a Victor Meldrew Appreciation Club on the business networking site Ecademy…and yes, it is British….

Thanks to Viv Thackray for the link

Some women who completed the survey felt that a glass ceiling exists in their company; perhaps it’s more common in some industries and cultures, however the message from the presenters was very clear – this is not a reason not to follow a career that you love and be very successful in it.

Eileen Brown, IT Pro Evangelist Team Manager,and fellow blogger (see here spent 10 years working as a navigating officer on Shell supertankers before joining Microsoft, so she clearly knows what it takes to succeed in a male environment. Both she, and Kate Isler,Chief of Staff for the Microsoft Online Services Group, emphasised the role of choice and responsibility in career decisions. It’s easy to forget these when you’re immersed in an organisation and especially if you seldom take the time to network externally.

I was also intrigued to hear limiting beliefs mentioned several times; many people allow themselves to be defined by their beliefs, even when they’re unhelpful and can be changed. Uncovering what your beliefs are is a good first step to transforming them into something more useful.

At the panel debate and Q&A session afterwards, Salma Shah, Director of SN Training, talked about the importance of creating a consistent personal brand, not in the sense of something manufactured, but by building on your strengths and letting people know what you’re about.

And Terry Thorpe, CTO of the Centre for Integral Transformation , and also a blogger (and whose blog looks spookily like ours… see here, mentioned the importance of networking as a way of doing the job you currently do, not as an add-on, or something that gets done after hours. I think this is a really critical part of business success – in the sense that it’s the only way to let other people know who you are as a person, and what you stand for.

Finally, I liked what Paul Norris, Microsoft EMEA Director had to say about being yourself, being genuine and being human. Often in the cut and thrust of business we can forget that success is due to people. You can have a great product or service, but without great people you’ll get nowhere. Getting the best out of your people, and allowing them to play to their strengths, is what will make your team and your business succeed.

I’m not a great fan of Barry Manilow myself, so I can understand the attraction of this particular creative solution – I certainly would run a mile to avoid hearing a single rendition of the ‘Copacobana’ , let alone Manilow being blasted out at high volume non-stop for several hours.

When I came across a similar idea (using a high pitched whistle called a Mosquito, which only young people can hear) I tracked down Bill’s email address using the Rockdale City Council website and sent him the details.

Late last year I came across another idea, this time using pink lighting as a deterrent, so I sent that information to Bill too. Well, I thought, the young people who were gathering in the car parks of Brighton-Le-Sands might have been secret Manilow fans; playing his songs hour after hour might actually have made the night-time meetings even more popular than before… Bill replied that he’d put the idea of pink lighting to his colleagues at the council, and if they got approval, they’d try it out.

He rang me early Friday, saying that they were piloting the idea in Brighton-le-Sands – not only that, but he’d been inundated with media requests for interviews (see ‘Sydney creates a pink light district’,  ‘Pink light to beat crime‘ in the NSW Daily Telegraph) because of it…I was delighted he called and I’m delighted that the internet and email have allowed us to make this connection, and that in some small way I have been able to make a difference to someone on the other side of the world.

So if the spotlight wasn’t on Rockdale (or more specifically the car-parks of Brighton-le-Sands) before, it will be now. I can’t comment on the efficacy of Barry Manilow, Mosquito sonic devices or pink lighting over and above what I’ve read in the press, but I hope Bill solves the problem. I think it’s great that he’s prepared to be creative and try something on the off-chance it might work.

And the moral of the story is? When you’re looking for solutions, you might have to try a few things out before you find something that really works. Do a bit of research of course, assess the risks and prepare yourself for the flak you might get from other people (after all, you can never please all the people all the time). Whatever you do, don’t let this stand in your way. Persevere. And be bold!