“The aim of life is appreciation.” ~ G. K. Chesterton

Christmas Lights

The holiday season and the New Year period can be a pretty stressful time. We’re inclined to think that everything must be perfect, and that includes the gifts we give, the food we prepare, the warmth of our welcome to guests, what we wear to the office party and so on. Often we also take on the responsibility for ensuring that everyone around us, our children, family, and friends, all have a good time – and that can be extremely hard work! So what’s the antidote to festive stress? Well, I think this time of year provides us with some ideal opportunities for savouring: noticing, appreciating, and enhancing the things which are already positive in our lives – and you’d be hard pressed to find anything easier to do. The rules of savouring are simple to follow, and you don’t need any special skills or equipment. In fact anyone, young or old, rich or poor, can learn how to savour and reap the benefits.

What is savouring?

Savouring is about slowing down and paying conscious attention to all your senses (touch, taste, sight, hearing and smell). You stretch out the experience, and concentrate on noticing what it is that you really enjoy, whether it’s sipping a glass of chilled vintage champagne at the New Year’s Eve party, looking forward to seeing your children’s faces as they open their Christmas presents, or recollecting the time you played one of the three wise men in the school nativity play. By learning to savour, you can increase your capacity to notice what is good about your life and thus appreciate it more fully. In doing so, you can maximize your positive emotions and overcome the built-in survival mechanism called the negativity bias.

The flavours of savouring

The great thing about savouring is that it’s such a flexible technique, coming in so many different flavors. For example, think of all the different things that you might luxuriate or bask in, relish, treasure, or cherish. You can choose something tangible (like a warm bubble bath) or something intangible (like a lifelong friendship) to notice, appreciate, and enhance. You can use some or all of your senses when savouring, and you can savour across time dimensions, focusing on things in the past, present, or future. This gives you enormous scope when looking for opportunities to savour in your everyday life.

Bubbles

How to savour in 5 easy steps:

The ‘rules’ of savouring are very straightforward and easy to remember:

1. Slow down.
2. Pay attention.
3. Use all your senses – touch, taste, sight, smell, hearing.
4. S-t-r-e-t-c-h out the experience for as long as you can.
5. Reflect on your enjoyment.

It’s important to remember that savouring is a process not an outcome – in other words it’s something we do, not something we get.

Over the next 12 days, try some of the following savouring suggestions:

Savouring the future

• Anticipate the excitement and delight on your children’s faces as they open their presents on Christmas morning.
• Look forward to welcoming friends into your home.
• Anticipate the strong community bonds created by attending local carol services or neighbourhood parties.
• Look forward to a fresh start in 2012, the chance to set new goals, and the green shoots of Spring.

Savouring the present

• Relish that box of dark chocolate pralines that you received from Auntie Joyce.
• Drink in the aroma of cloves, tangerines, and cinnamon of the mulled wine as it simmers on the stove.
• Luxuriate in a warm bath scented with the fragrance of neroli oil, jasmine, and rose petals.
• Turn off your mobile phone so that you can snuggle up with your kids on the sofa and laugh at the latest Disney movie.

Winter Frost

Savouring the past

• Reminisce, with others if you can, about remarkable holidays in the past, such as the time when you built a mammoth snowman on the front lawn, volunteered at a downtown soup kitchen, or glimpsed reindeer in Lapland.
• Ring a friend you haven’t spoken to in a while and talk about the good old days.
• Get out the photo album, and spend 15 minutes remembering all those special occasions.
• Pick a prominent accomplishment from 2011 – an exam passed, a promotion gained, or weight lost – and savour your memories of the achievement.

Remember to take your time, to imagine the small details of the positive experience using all your senses if you can, and to share it with others.

How not to savour!

It’s worth bearing in mind that there are several things which can completely spoil your experience of savouring, or fail to get it off the ground. These include:

• Killjoy thinking about how the experience might be improved
• Analyzing in the moment why an experience is positive
• Rushing

And finally….What will you savour?

There are so many different ways to savour that there will be at least one which suits you. But why not use every spare ten minutes this festive season to try them all, and let us hear about your experiences?

Happy Savouring!

Bryant, F. & Veroff, J. (2007) Savoring: A new model of positive experience. Mahwah, New Jersey: Lawrence Erlbaum Associates.

Quoidbach, J., Berry, E. V., Hansenne, M. & Mikolajczak, M. (2010). Positive emotion regulation and well-being: Comparing the impact of eight savoring and dampening strategies. Personality and Individual Differences, 49(5), 368-373. From the abstract:

“The present study examines the relative impact of the main positive emotion regulation strategies on two components of well-being: positive affect (PA) and life satisfaction (LS). A total of 282 participants completed measures of PA, LS, overall happiness, and the savoring and dampening strategies they typically used. Results show that when experiencing positive events, focusing attention on the present moment and engaging in positive rumination promoted PA, whereas telling others promoted LS. In contrast, being distracted diminished PA, while focusing on negative details and engaging in negative rumination reduced LS. … our results further show that … typically using various strategies rather than a few specific ones … was beneficial to overall happiness. Our findings suggest that there are several independent ways to make the best (or the worst) out of our positive emotions, and that the cultivation of multiple savoring strategies might be required to achieve lasting happiness.”

Images

Christmas Lights by Sirenz Lorraine:
Bubbles by ion-bogdan dumitrescu
Winter Frost by tlindenbaum

The latest quarterly edition of the open-access International Journal of Well-being has just been published.  No. 3 includes

• some new research by Nathaniel Lambert, A. Marlea Gwinn, Tyler Stillman and Frank Fincham on how sharing positive experiences can boost your vitality and help you overcome tiredness,
• An interview with Barbara Fredrickson (famous for the broaden-and-build theory of positive emotions), and
• A review of the film Happy, directed by Roko Belic

This edition is quite a lot shorter than the previous two – does this reflect a lack of material, or positive psychologists’ preference to be published in ‘traditional’ positive psychology journals? Whichever it is, let’s hope it isn’t a trend that will continue.

The Happy Couple

Here’s my March 2011 article for Positive Psychology News Daily, in it’s entirety – sorry that it’s so late!

This month focuses on new research behind the meaning of smiling, and in particular, the intriguing differences between men’s and women’s smiles.

I don’t know what it is about March but for me it’s such an optimistic month. Spring is well and truly here, the buds are appearing, daffodils blooming and gone are the long dark days of winter. Spring is also the time for love and romance – you can just picture the scene, the happy couple smiling as they emerge from the church, wedding bells ringing in the air and confetti floating like blossom on the wind.

Yearbook Smiles

Thinking about smiling, marriage and well-being, one piece of research that every student of positive psychology can reel off is the Yearbook Study, in which the genuineness (or ‘Duchenne-ness’ as Chris Peterson calls it) of women students’ smiles in their college yearbook photos predicted, 30 years later, whether they were married and scored highly on life satisfaction, good relationships and managing stress. This study by Lee Anne Harker and Dacher Keltner in 2001 is often used to illustrate the ‘build’ aspect of Barbara Fredrickson’s Broaden and Build theory of positive emotions – that positive emotions are about more than just feeling good, they help to build social and psychological resources too. In short feeling happy now is much more than an end in itself, it’s also an important influence on your future well-being.

One of the limitations of this research is, obviously, that its participants are all female – it used data from a pre-existing study (the Mills Longitudinal Study) – and I wonder how much it also applies to men. Do men’s smiles now predict future happy marriages and personal life satisfaction?

But What About Men?

Yesterday I accidentally came across a little snippet of new research by Simine Vazire, Laura Naumann, Peter Rentfrow and Samuel Gosling on smiling which suggests that male and female smiles don’t mean the same thing. In other words smiling reflects different emotions depending on gender. This study found that smiling is positively associated with positive emotion in women but not in men. In men, smiling is negatively associated with negative emotion. Curious isn’t it?

Equally happy?

In the study, 76% of women smiled compared to only 41% of men, although they experienced similar levels of positive emotion (measured using the PANAS – Positive and Negative Affect Scale).  In short, positive emotion is a strong positive predictor of smiling for women but not for men, and negative emotion is a strong negative predictor of smiling for men but not for women.

Different Adaptations for Men and Women?

So, if we’ve got this right it would seem that women smile when they’re happy, and men smile when…well…they’re not unhappy. In line with Jacob Vigil’s socio-relational framework of expressive behaviours (which in lay terms means that the way we express certain emotions is adaptive and motivates others to respond to us in ways which enhance our social fitness) Simine Vazire and her colleagues suggest that in women, smiling signals warmth, trustworthiness and enthusiasm to others, and in doing so attracts fewer and more intimate relationships (not sure about the fewer!), whereas in men, smiling signals confidence, calmness and a lack of self-doubt and distress, which apparently attracts numerous, less intimate relationships.

If that’s the case, then this adds some further detail to Fredrickson’s Broaden and Build theory. Perhaps the Yearbook Study isn’t quite as straightforward as it’s often portrayed, and the positive emotional paths to future well-being are rather more winding than direct. It would be interesting to see if a similar study of men’s smiling  or unsmiling yearbook photos resulted in similar well-being outcomes.

It’s a bit of a cliché that men complain that they don’t understand women, but to me it now seems the other way round. I mean, what is it that men do when they’re feeling happy then, if it’s not smiling? Any suggestions??

Harker, L., & Keltner, D. (2001). Expressions of positive emotion in women’s college yearbook pictures and their relationship to personality and life outcomes across adulthood. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 80(1), 112-124.

Vazire, S., Naumann, L.P., Rentfrow, P.J.& Gosling, S.D. (2009). Smiling reflects different emotions in men and women. Behavioral and Brain Sciences, 32(5), 403 -405. Abstract.

Vigil, J.M. (2009). A socio-relational framework of sex differences in the expression of emotion. Behavioral and Brain Sciences, 32 (5), 375 -390.

Zhivotovskaya, E. (2008). Smile and Others Smile with You: Health Benefits, Emotional Contagion, and Mimicry. Positive Psychology News Daily.

Images

The happy couple: Bride, you may kiss by e3000

Equally happy?:  Promenade in the rain by seanmcgrath

General Larking About

As the mother of a rapidly-growing boy (aged 8, going on 18), I was very interested to come across the Positive Masculinity Model, and wondered what I could learn from it that would be useful to me as a parent.   Below is my Positive Psychology News Daily article on the subject in full.

I probably wouldn’t have been drawn to write on this subject had it not been for Louisa Jewell’s beautifully-crafted article on Positive Psychology and Femininity, so thanks Louisa!

I’m not going to explore whether men’s happiness has gone up or down in the last 30+ years, however, although that would be a fascinating topic. Instead I’m interested in how Positive Psychology can be used to support troubled men and boys. I was interested to learn about strengths-based approach known as Positive Masculinity. As the mother of a rapidly-growing boy (aged 8, going on 18), I was very interested to come across the Positive Masculinity Model, and wondered what I could learn from it that would be useful to me as a parent.

What Came Before: New Psychology of Men (NPM): A Deficit Model

According to the authors of Identifying, Affirming and Building upon Male Strengths: the Positive Psychology/Positive Masculinity Model of Psychotherapy with Boys and Men, much work into the psychology of men and masculinity over the past couple of decades has been dominated by the deficit approach, and what has been called The New Psychology of Men (NPM).

In short, NPM is an approach to men and to masculinity which not only questions traditional norms of the male role (such as competitiveness, toughness, emotional stoicism), but also takes the view that male problems such as aggression, detached fathering, and neglecting health are the unfortunate but predictable results of the male socialization process. In other words, NPM is a deficit model of male development, which leads to a remedial approach to help men overcome their problems.

Positive Masculinity Model as an Alternative

This article by Mark Kiselica at the College of New Jersey and his colleague Matt Englar-Carlson at California State University – Fullerton, suggests that a far more effective way of working is the Positive Masculinity Model – a framework which accentuates the positive aspects of male development. The goal, they say, is to help men and boys learn and embrace healthy and constructive aspects of masculinity.

Wow! As media headlines tend to focus on the problems that men and boys cause in society (boys being disruptive in the classroom, youths making a nuisance of themselves on street corners, men showing aggression in a million and one ways) it makes a refreshing change to read something that celebrates the positive aspects of being male. Was I skeptical? Yes, but too intrigued not to read further!

So what exactly is Positive Masculinity – or more accurately the Positive Psychology/Positive Masculinity model (PPPM)? In short it’s an approach based on two Positive Psychology principles:

• Emphasizing strengths and virtue over disease, weakness, and damage
• Focusing on building in men and boys what is right rather than fixing what is wrong

Male Bonding

Male Strengths

So far, so good. But what exactly are these male strengths that we should be celebrating? The authors list 10 representative male strengths:

1. Male relational styles – developing relationships through having fun, doing active things, doing shared activities (such as participating in sport)
2. Male ways of caring – being raised with  the expectation that they must care for and protect their family and friends
3. Generative fatherhood –  the way a father is committed to caring for the next generation through meeting the needs of his children
4. Male self-reliance – the way men and boys use their own resources to confront life’s challenges (I’m thinking about the cave in John Gray’s Men are from Mars…)
5. The worker/provider tradition in men – the way men naturally take on the role of the breadwinner and acquire a sense of meaning and purpose through work
6. Male courage, daring, and risk-taking – e.g. in their choice of work or sport (but balanced by good judgment against foolhardiness and recklessness)
7. The group orientation of men and boys – the way they band together to achieve a common purpose
8. The humanitarian service of fraternal organizations – developing social interest and a sense of belonging through involvement in male organizations
9. Men’s use of humor – as a way to attain intimacy, have fun, develop and maintain relationships, show they care, reduce tension, and manage conflict
10. Male heroism – demonstrating exceptional nobility in the way they lead their lives, overcoming great obstacles, or making great contributions to others.

Hmmmmm. I’m not sure that these are the same as the character strengths that Chris Peterson and Martin Seligman describe (and on which the VIA inventory of strengths is based), or the same as  Alex Linley’s definition.

It's raining men

Taking a Positive Approach

But maybe that doesn’t matter. Maybe what’s more important is taking a positive approach, and using strengths (however they’re defined) to find ways to build on what works, rather than to focus on what’s wrong. The authors suggest that professionals working with troubled men and boys in the mental health field could use the PPPM to

1. Help clients understand their areas of growth
2. Demonstrate respect for and confidence in their clients
3. Help clients identify more effective alternative beliefs

With great anticipation I read the concluding case study, in which the PPPM is used with a male client who is experiencing conflict at home with his wife and their wayward 16 year old daughter. The case study primarily focuses on using the PPPM to build rapport with the client and develop his confidence and self-efficacy in tackling the conflicts. I was disappointed – I wasn’t convinced that the same result couldn’t have been achieved by any other empathic mental health practitioner without using the PPPM. Nevertheless the great value of this article is the suggestion that men may be more willing and able to overcome their normal reluctance to seek help if practitioners focused on ‘positive masculinity’ instead of on male deficits, by using the PPPM as a bridge to the real issues.

Open Questions

The topic of ‘positive masculinity’ is in its infancy and requires a great deal more development, research, and refinement.  Even so, it’s an exciting new development in the psychology of men and masculinity, which happily leaves us with many more questions to be answered. Here are a few to get you thinking:

Q.  As a man, how do you identify with the 10 male strengths outlined above?

Q.  If there were an equivalent ‘Positive Femininity Model’, what would it look like? And would it help overcome the issues raised in Louisa Jewell’s article?

References

Kiselica, M.S. & Englar-Carlson, M. (2010). Identifying, affirming and building upon male strengths: the Positive Psychology/Positive Masculinity model of psychotherapy with boys and men. Psychotherapy Theory, Research, Practice, Training, 47(3), 276-287.

Linley, P. A. (2008). Average to A+: Realising Strengths in Yourself and Others. Coventry, UK: CAPP Press.

Peterson, C. & Seligman, M. (2004). Character strengths and virtues: A handbook and classification. Oxford: Oxford University Press.

Images

General larking about courtesy of garethjmsaunders

Male Bonding courtesy of Shawn Allen

It’s raining men courtesy of Ewan Thot

The 5^th European Positive Psychology Conference took place June 23-26 in Copenhagen, Denmark. I’ve written three separate reviews, covering eleven Keynotes, invited speakers, and opening and closing presentations. To read the full reviews, take a look at Positive Psychology News Daily:  part 1, part 2 and part 3.

Part 1:

Keynote 1: Stopping the Insanity: Promoting Positive Mental Health is Sanity in a World Needing Better Mental Health - Corey Keyes, Associate Professor, Department of Sociology at Emory University, USA

Corey Keyes

Keynote 2: How Positive Emotions Work, and Why – Barbara Fredrickson, Distinguished Professor of Psychology, University of North Carolina at Chapel Hill, USA.

Part 2

Keynote 1: Occupational Health Psychology: A European Perspective – Wilmar Schaufeli, Professor of Work and Organizational Psychology at Utrecht University in The Netherlands.